not a very good blogger...

I don't post very often, do I? I could come up with a list of justifications as long as my arm, but there's no point in that. The bottom line is I haven't made it any kind of priority to write in this blog, or to write at all. I craft words, I ponder thoughts, but I rarely put either down on paper, virtual or otherwise.

What's especially interesting to me in looking at my (few) posts here is that they were all written in daylight hours. It's not as though I haven't been up late at night since I started this little experiment. My sleeplessness has improved greatly, but I still have the occasional night--like tonight--when sleep just seems evasive. When I am up late is when the creative flow seems to come in my head. I always thought it was why I stayed awake when it didn't seem wise from a strictly practical point of view: to explore that creative space nestled between dreams and reality. So, today, I'm not thinking I should stay awake just to explore this space, but as long as I'm up maybe I should seize the opportunity to delve deeper rather than spin my mental wheels.

I suppose I'm afraid I won't like what I write when I read it in the light of day... that tomorrow's judgement will make tonight's pondering seem trite or even insane. Judgement. What does it have to do with writing, anyway? It certainly has no place in the initial process of writing, which is what this little blog thing is supposed to be about. It might not belong in writing at all.

I'm not saying every word you read here is unedited--I edit myself very carefully. In fact, it's one of the things I like about writing, that ability to re-craft and hone the message. I also am drawn to the idea of putting it out there without judgement, or at least without the kind of judgement that says "don't publish this, it's 2:30 in the morning, in fact you'd better delete it now."

Maybe I should consider publishing this posting under a different title, as the more I write, the more the title I started with seems awfully judgemental. There's something appropriate about that, though. And then I have to wonder why the spell checker keeps questioning my use of the word "judgement?" Is it trying to tell me something?