DISCLAIMER:
Most importantly, let me assure you the reader now that my hearing is not currently compromised in any way.
I'm not going to post this at the same time I'm writing it. Another thing, I'm not experiencing permanent hearing loss. Yet. But I am getting to an age and in the business I'm in, every time my ears get plugged with wax I start thinking "is this it?" The whole idea in writing it is to document my experiences of my hearing as I go through little hiccups as I have recently. Being a professional sound guy, I'm concerned about damaging my career by even talking about it, which is why I don't publish as I write, have written and will continue to write some of these ponderings with paper and pen to transcribe later.
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ponderings on hearing loss from a professional sound guy
chapter 2: the drama
I can't remember the last time I could hear properly. It feels like months, probably been weeks, maybe even days. I know it's getting bad when I seek professional help to clean the wax out. I don't really trust other people with my ears. I've had a few bad experiences, but nothing really dangerous. The worst was an audiologist who used a metal scoop to dig out wax. Sure, she used water, too, and even water mostly, but the metal scoop was another go-to tool in her arsenal and it hurt. Worse than the use of metal, though, was her complete lack of compassion over the pain and fear I was experiencing.
So I usually get to this point where I'm on the verge of panic, my mind running around and spinning on the dangers of permanent hearing loss. I'm sure I'm going deaf, positive this is the time it's not just wax, that I'm really loosing it for good. It's only after a day or two of that kind of panic that I call the doctor's office for a lavage. (Pro tip: skip the audiologist and find a good MA who does ear lavage.) I had that lavage yesterday and I still can't hear out of either ear. I mean, I can hear, just not very well. I figure I'm loosing about 20-30dB above 1kHz. That's pretty serious. The standard reply (even from a good MA who is good at ear lavage) is "sometimes it takes a little while for your hearing to come back. And that's a standard response because it's true. My ears suffer trauma just like any other part of my body, and sometimes it takes a little while to really feel relief of symptoms after trauma. Still and all, there's always a really great moment in a good lavage for me. An a-ha moment. It's like that moment when you're swimming and the water drains out of your ear. A sort of crackly aural sunrise. A beautiful feeling of getting back what was feared to be lost. I never had that feeling on this lavage, but I took the MA's word for it: she could see my ear drums and it might just be water and would clear soon. It didn't.
So a few days later, here I am, back in the doctor's office. My regular doc (actually a CNP, but what the heck, she's a healer, so I'm good with "doc") is listening to my paranoid ramblings very patiently. You see, I've been "researching" my condition. You know, the kind of research where you sit up late at night staring at a computer screen (or your phone) and decide you must certainly have cancer. (In my case, it's vestibular cancer.) Finally, after listening to my panic, she patiently gets up with her ear-looker (what's that thing called?) and takes a look. My right ear is totally clogged with wax again. The other one has a massive infection on the ear drum that wasn't showing a few days ago. Undoubtedly the fluid was already behind the ear drum, and that's why it sounded like I still had wax in front of the ear drum. What none of us understands is why I haven't felt any pain, but no matter, antibiotics are prescribed, prescription is filled (after a bit of shopping around to find out who takes my insurance because I evidently I haven't filled a prescription in awhile, or maybe I just never noticed how much they cost), and the course is begun.
Oh, and the right ear gets another lavage, and this was the best part of the appointment, because I did get that beautiful aural sunrise I love so much. It's almost worth letting the wax build up now and then just for that beautiful feeling of hearing again. The world was so loud, and sounds that usually bother me (most notably traffic) were gloriously and beautifully and overwhelmingly loud.
